You are Wrong (about resolutions)

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I dragged my feet. This was the part of being home I wasn’t looking forward to. I lingered at the door reciting my alibi and convincing myself it would be enough to ease the onslaught I was about to be faced with. Honestly, this very moment and the guilt that came with it was enough chider to keep me grounded – and I wished that was all it would be. But wishes aren’t horses.

Finally, a brave 12-year-old Tobi marched into his father’s room. After the usual courtesies and chitchats about nothing, my father asked me to bring the bowl of water closer so he could rinse his hands. He had just finished his dinner and the berating was about to begin. How did I know? I had seen this scene before but it was no déjà vu.

You see, here’s the thing: My parents sent me to a boarding school for my secondary education. It was a win-win situation for both of us. My absence allowed them to focus more on their other investments and the academic territory I was literally confined in allowed me to focus more on my education – and my education alone. That was the idea.

This arrangement was designed to trigger positive outcomes for both parties – my parents and me. This evening, it was my turn to show my father what good I had made of my last four months in boarding school – and in my house, this was a big deal.

Father: How was school?

Tobi: It was all right - a bit stressful but thank God.

Father: Did they give you your results yet?

(

He knew the answer to this question but sarcasm is one of his favourite vices. In fact, he had summoned me into his room for this very reason

)

Tobi:

Yeah, I have it here.

Father: Oh. Read it to me.

That result was not a good one. It was not terrible but, by my father’s standards, it was as poor as it gets. That term, I came 6

th

in a class of 27 with an average of 78% and for that, my father explained to me why I would have been better off working in my grandmother’s store instead of being in school if I was going to allow 5 students achieve greater success than me.

I did not even get the chance to share my alibi. Before I could speak, he reminded me:

Always take responsibility for your shortcomings.

I walked out of that room with so many resolutions. In two weeks, a new academic term would begin and I would have another chance to prove my worth. I felt refreshed as I wrote down my resolutions. I was as determined as an ant. My father’s words had fired me up and I could only hope I would stay fired up throughout the term.

Four months later, I did not drag my feet.

Today, you may be me after my father’s admonishments. As the year winds out, you are reminded of your shortcomings in the last 12 months. And like me, you may have all sorts of excuses and regrets.

Your father is not reprimanding you; you are reprimanding yourself and as the New Year clocks in, you are coming up with these resolutions. You feel so fired up about the next 12 months. You feel like you have a chance to restart and be renewed. Old things have passed away.

You are wrong

.

There are no old things and there are no new things. There is YOU – and you alone. We both know you don’t need a new year to begin afresh. You could have started afresh last week. Several lives have been changed in the middle of March or at end of August so what’s so special about the beginning of January?

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Resolutions are a thing of the mind. You either mean them or you don’t. Your mindset determines how consistent you are about them. There is no set date to begin living the life you want to live. All you need is the right mindset and you can renew yourself any given second.

Before my father reprimanded me, I knew I had failed myself. I knew I could be better. Those seconds I spent lingering at his door was enough to spell my regrets. I knew what I had to do and I knew that I was the only one who could help myself.

You don’t need the year to end before you realize your shortcomings. You already know them. You know only you can help yourself.

All you need to do is

take responsibility for your shortcomings

and when you are truly ready, do what you need to do to live better.

Calendars don’t shape your life, you do. So don’t be dragged into the idea of restarting on January 1

st

. If you are not ready to restart, you won’t. Until you have the proper mindset, don’t make resolutions. (Who cares if you restart on January 29

th

or June 2

nd

?)

So if you’re thinking:

new year, new you

; you are wrong. It’s

new you, new you

.  

Have a good 2016!

www.livelifeclever.com

- Tobi Nifesi