Is narcissism really that bad?

Narcissism is easy to spot.

When we meet people who - excessively and obsessively - express interest in and seek gratification from their image and achievements, we can easily tell that they are narcissists.

Most of us have a disdain for narcissists. We don’t like being around them. We think of them as social misfits. In fact, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders lists narcissism as a personality disorder.

So, as far as we know, narcissists have a problem. Right, Subscriber First Name?

This letter isn’t about narcissism. It is actually about minimization - an attitude and mindset that most non-narcissists tend to have. Minimization is the denial or dismissal of one’s own image and achievements.

If someone compliments your attributes or achievements and you’re quick to belittle that attribute or achievement, you’re minimizing yourself. If someone tells you that they are grateful for your contributions and you’re quick to tell them that your contributions aren’t as meaningful as they make it seem, you’re minimizing yourself.

Most of us minimize ourselves, every day. We have grown to believe that this form of pseudo-humility is the norm and acceptable way to live. Sometimes, we do it out of respect for the other person or the people around us.

The truth is the more we downplay our attributes and achievements, the lesser we think of ourselves. The more we minimize ourselves, the more we forget how special, unique and strong we are. The more we forget our strengths, the more we focus on our weaknesses. Eventually, this will have adverse effects on our moods, self-esteem, personality and growth.

I’m guilty of this. I do it all the time. I criticize myself, my writings and achievements privately and publicly. Regardless of how true or false my self-criticisms are, I now realize that I am wrong to overly-emphasize them to myself or others. By putting emphasis on my weaknesses, I forget to acknowledge my strengths and ongoing process to be better.

I’m not saying we should all be narcissists and glorify ourselves any chance we get but we can learn a few things from narcissists - particularly, the need to acknowledge ourselves and our achievements like the Whispers’ song says, you’re only as good as you think you are.

Narcissists may have a problem but minimizers may have a bigger problem.

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