the age of assumption
In primary/elementary school, probably primary/grade 4, one of my teachers told my mom that although I was a decent student, one of my flaws was not speaking up enough in class and not asking questions.
I was a little confused when my mom shared the teacher’s feedback with me. I wondered, “Why would I ask questions if I already knew the answers?”
I didn’t think I should have to speak up if everything that needed to be said had already been said, perhaps by others in the room. Plus, I thought the fact that I didn’t have any questions would make the teacher feel better because it would technically mean they did a good job of explaining the material.
Nevertheless, I took the feedback on the chin, and the next day at school, I started raising my hands and asking questions, no matter how dumb or brilliant they seemed. And I’ve continued doing that in almost every room I’ve been in ever since.
Today, I ask questions for a living.
When I started writing professionally and realized that a lot of writing is researching, my learned habit of asking questions, regardless of the topic at hand, helped me to approach each piece of writing with some depth of curiosity enough to ensure accuracy, find the most engaging angle, and keep the reader reading.
As a journalist, I had to ask pertinent questions, probe deeper and deeper, and cover as many loose ends and loopholes as possible.
As a ghostwriter, I spend a lot of time interviewing my clients, asking them questions about themselves that they haven’t considered. I guide and challenge them to be vulnerable, go beyond the surface, and tell me things that most of them have never shared with anyone else—not even their spouses.
Even when working on my projects, I’m always asking questions of my characters and trying to get them to reveal more of themselves to me.
And what I’ve learned from asking questions that I probably don’t have any business asking is that we—human beings—are never right to assume. Yet, we do it all the time.
Despite having access to the most technologically advanced communication tools that guarantee instant notifications and responses, the way human beings communicate has never been more broken than it is today.
In part due to these technologies, we have gotten so used to reading between the lines of our communications that we are quick to make inferences and assumptions about each other, jump to conclusions, and pass judgment without even realizing the need to seek confirmation.
Most of us aren’t good at asking questions.
We see one social media post and think we already know all there is to know about a person or a situation.
Someone doesn’t text or call us back within a few hours, and we believe they don’t value us or the relationship we have with them.
We don’t hear back from prospective clients or job interviewers and don’t bother following up to get a clear yes or no response; we just assume they don’t like us or we aren’t good enough.
Our bosses assign us tasks, but we don’t want to seem incompetent, so we never ask for clearer directions.
Our friends seem happy, so we never ask them how they are really doing.
Our partner made a random, snarky comment the other day, and we never asked them what they really meant, instead, we simply decided to hold it against them for the rest of their lives.
Everyone in the room seems to be thinking in one direction, but we don’t want to be the weirdo who asks questions no one else is brave enough to, perhaps because we don’t want to get canceled.
I can go on and on and on, but you get the point: most people aren’t good at asking questions.
Granted, some people are probably recovering from past traumas and don’t know how to get the clarification they need in specific situations, and for those people, professional support may needed.
But some other people are just living off vibes, feelings, and whatever the ‘universe’ is saying. They have become psychics and prophets and fortune tellers without crystal balls, making predictions and having presumptions about everything and everyone.
In an ideal world, if we really must know, all we have to do is ask and ask well.
Ask the person, respectfully.
Ask the room, thoughtfully.
Ask Google, but use common sense and perspective.
Ask your local librarian for a book that has a good chunk of the answers.
Ask God.
Never assume. Just ask, even if you think you know the answers.